I could be hipping and a hopping at not so Hidden Beach, (begrudgingly my current pick for best swim hole) which offers a fun spirited nostalgic hippy to hipster atmosphere…but loses decimal spots of cool points in its swim-ability.  Cedar Lake is overrun with pondweed and scum, like a big dirty mojito.  It’s like swimming through a forest of green dreadlocks.  I’ve had to bicycle kick out of those very same photosynthetic tentacles to keep from drowning.  Some unfortunate soul with an inept buddy drowned crossing that lake, probably tangled up in a pondweed monster.  Now they randomly fine strong swimmers for crossing it, which would be fine* if the money went to plucking out excessive underwater vegetation, but I don’t think it does…**

Calhoun, Nokomis, etc might as well all be the same beach, with their 10 minute no swimming breaks and posted signs prohibiting cigarettes, booze, floating devices, and anything else on my Family Feud list of fun things to bring to the beach.  I mean they make for good family fun I suppose, but not ideal beaches for those who come to rock.

Then of course there is Bare-ass beach, which is a hike and a half to an occasionally nude beach.  Running water is cleaner water IMO, so big points there.  The atmosphere is a mixed bag, lots of off duty Village People and plenty of migrators from the oversaturated Hidden Beach.  Dogs are welcome and all that.  The hike back dooms this beach.  I despise leaving soothing river water only to re-sweat back into a sticky stinky shaved ape.   So Break Even beach is not on my A-List.

Given there are a number of chlorinated options, Lupient Water Park, Cascade Bay, infamous Water Park of America (which is indoor and therefore void of seasonal attractiveness).  All of these pool options have strict hours and rules, and an aura of respectfulness, which can be fun with the right group, if you can keep from tripping over wild children.

Now I don’t want to just vent and complain.  I want suggestions.  I want a place where I can safely and repetitively jump off from rocks or railroad bridges into reasonable deep comfortable water.  I want a tire swing or a diving board or a floating trampoline (please tell me this exists).  I’ve found these places in WI, and I know they exist in MN….but where and at what cost?

Please comment your excellent suggestions.

*As a matter of fact I did use “fine” twice in one sentence, but with different meanings attached, thanks for noticing.

**Honestly I have no idea where money from fines go.  Feel free to fact check me at anytime, all my information is based upon rumors, gossip, lies, and the myths I overhear or create to make sense out of this bizarre and over-stimulating world.   If you would like to correct me please do so, just remember that I love you and would never write anything to hurt you, not intentionally anyway.